splurp.gov
Official US Government Website. Approved by the Department of Splurping.
| Name | Result | Score | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| MADDIE | N | 5% | FAKE splurper. ABSOLUTELY NOT. If you see this individual splurping, please report her to the Secretary of Splurping. |
| DYLAN | Y | 98% | Near-flawless execution, but deducted 2% for excessive "splurp confetti" during final exam. Confetti is NOT protocol. |
| NOELLE | Y | 97% | Perfect splurp form, but 3% docked for winking at the evaluator. Suspicious behavior. Investigation pending. |
| JAKE | Y | 99% | 1% penalty for humming the national anthem during splurp test. Otherwise, textbook splurpage. Do not hum. |
| MICHAEL | N | 0% | HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET EVERY QUESTION WRONG |
| SARAH | Y | 96% | Demonstrates exceptional splurping form. Maintains consistency. |
| EMMA | N | 12% | Attempted splurping with a straw. Unconventional methods not permitted. |
| LUCAS | Y | 95% | Slight hesitation in phase two, but overall proficient. |
| OLIVIA | N | 3% | Used a counterfeit splurp certificate. Investigation pending. |
| ETHAN | Y | 94% | Innovative technique under review, but passes current standards. |
| GRACE | N | 67% | Overqualified but refused to sign splurp oath. Ethics violation. |
| LIAM | Y | 93% | Minimal splurp output but meets minimum requirements. |
| CHLOE | N | 45% | Mistook splurping for slurping. Mandatory terminology training required. |
| AIDEN | Y | 91% |
Late submission but demonstrated aptitude.
SUBJECT ADDED NOTES: "splurping reminds me of dylan"
|
| ZOE | N | 22% | Splurped in reverse direction. Fundamental misunderstanding of splurp dynamics. |